For the Winter Solstice I came down before the sunrise. I moved the marbles and tunnels so I can do my morning yoga. I placed my battery operated tea light from my dear friend in a fragrant flower vase.
I opened the blinds and looked upon a house where weeks earlier sold for $27,000 less than it was purchased 20 years ago. I look upon this house which looks simple and quiet from the outside yet knowing its insides were neglected and not taken care of. I know the flippers who bought it need to do a lot of work, finish started projects and clean up the neglect that was administered throughout the years.
After my yoga I move back to the couch and listen to a Winter Solstice meditation. The voice reminds me of Tajali, a dear friend and mentor.
I listen to the meditation which suggests me to send my golden roots down into the Earth. I think of all the tiny seeds bursting from their outer skin to send their tiny roots down into the Earth; the true birth of these seeds. For this is when they become a being, they are no longer a seed but the beginning of a new plant.
I listen as she instructs me to let go. Let go!!!! I am done with letting go!!! I have been letting go since the Summer Solstice. The Winter Solstice is the time of birth; there is no need to let go!!!
But I still have a lot to let go–my insecurities, my dependency on others for approval, my anger, my shame, my guilt.
I also realize there are 3 days left in this Moon Cycle. The 3 days that our ancestors celebrated the return of the Sun and the 3 days before many of us celebrate Christmas. To me the first New Moon after the Winter Solstice does signify the New Solar Year and the true birth of our next cycle around the Sun.
I let go and send all my fears and insecurities into the Earth. I allow for the Earth to transform these fears and insecurities into soil to allow my seeds to grow.
The meditation encourages me to then embrace the Sun. See the Sun being birthed by the Moon. I think of the first birth out of the darkness; the Birth of the Cosmos. The first birth that reminds us that we are all connected; that we are all One. It reminds me to stop thinking of us and them; but as we.
I am reminded of this integration and the meditation introduces the Archangels of the Moon of Release and the Sun of Birth.
As I write, this connection of the Moon birthing the Sun in the Meditation makes more sense to me. A Birth is a release. The Moon is the holder of all releases and knows one must release all the work to create and birth something new. I release again and then Birth Surrender. True surrender!!
I allow my life to unfold in front of me. Can I do it? I hope I can. I allow my roots to grow, the sun to shine and the rain to fall. I surrender to the seasons, the elements, my life.
As I write and read the sky gradually lightens. There is no brilliant sunrise. I get up to the look, maybe I saw a little pink but it keeps getting lighter and lighter. No dramatic sun rise only the gradual lighting of the day.
What did I expect? Some massive change, some colossal shift? Nope only the gradual change. I guess that is how life is, only gradual changes and shifts in the present. They only look larger from a distance.
I return to the house I look upon. The house that sits empty. The house that needs someone from the outside to make the big changes. The house that looks beautiful on the outside but one can only imagine the inside.
How does your inside look and feel? Do you need outside help or can you rebuild without the help of others? Have you given up and said come fix me or are you able to help rebuild yourself?
Where am I? I am not sure. I hope I have been doing the rebuilding but I do not know for sure.
As I come out to write this Christmas morning, my littlest daughter joins me and opens the door to the Sun room. As she turns the alarm in the house starts to go off. I run to the alarm and realize I have no idea how to turn it off. I run upstairs to find my husband and he races down to turn off the alarm. Luckily it was only 7am but we were up until 11pm so he was not happy.
Then my daughter says “It was my fault the alarm went off. I turned the door.”
I said “No, I asked you to open the door.”
Then she in all her wisdom, “I don’t think there should be such as thing as fault.”
The wisdom of children!!!
Written by Genis Schmidt; copyright protected. Photo from Pexels. For questions or collaboration, email firstname.lastname@example.org